Ian, please post this story in your blog. I want other people to read about what happened so that they can learn from it and maybe it won't happen to them.
For the purpose of this story I will refer to the lady as 'Pim', but this is not her real name.
I originally found Pim on a dating site. I found her to be very attractive and we started talking. She told me that she was living on her parent's farm in a small town in Roi Et. She sent me lots of photos of her farm, her animals and the basic living conditions there.
We started talking regularly through WhatsApp, we were talking all day every day for months. After 8 months of speaking to Pim I flew out to meet with her for the first time. We arranged to meet in Phuket where I had booked a resort near the beach in Patong.
I had an amazing time with Pim in Thailand, we visited the temple, we went on boat trips, ate at nice restaurants, everything was great and I became even more in love with her at this point. After 2 weeks it was my time to return home but I could not stop thinking about Pim and within a week I had paid for a second flight to Thailand, I was going to return after 6 months but stay in Thailand for 4 weeks this time.
During my second visit I wanted to visit Pim's farm in the countryside but she told me that I wouldn't like it up there and that we should stay in Phuket. Pim told me that she had never visited Phuket before going there to meet me during my first trip.
6 months quickly passed and I was back again in Thailand with Pim. This time I did not want to leave her and was making plans for a long term future with her. I had some money available from an inheritance and I figured out that if I sold all my assets back home in the States that I would be able to buy a business in Thailand and make a life out there.
During my second visit I took Pim to our favourite restaurant and proposed to her, which she accepted. Now things were really getting serious.
Knowing my plans, Pim told me that she had found a really good deal on a house for sale. The house itself was a bit of a wreck and needed some investment. The pool was leaking water, it needed various repairs and a coat of paint. The house was being advertised for 3.8 million baht, but Pim was able to negotiate it down to 3.5 million. I thought it was a good deal, especially compared to house prices in the states.
At the time of writing this article 3.5 million baht is approximately 100,000 US dollars. It is not a massive amount of money, but it is still a lot by most peoples’ standards. I wanted to view more properties but Pim persuaded me into this specific one, using many different reasoned arguments.
So I bought the house, and setup a Thai company which would be used to own it. Although I felt like I could trust Pim, I did not want to put the house in her name, and after reading horror stories online we setup a company of which I was able to own 49%.
After the vacation I went back home to liquidate my assets and Pim was tasked with making sure the house was renovated to a high standard. I sent her money on a regular basis, I sent her 14,000 dollars to fix the roof and repair the pool. I sent 6,000 more to repair the fence and driveway gate. There were many expenses involved with repairing the property.
Things came to a head when Pim gave me a rough list of expenses and told me that she needed around 16,000 dollars to finish the house. This would include painting the walls and buying basic furniture and appliances.
I sent over the money and then things went silent. I got no response from her on WhatsApp or Facebook, I called her and the calls would not connect. I became very worried that something might have happened to her, I thought maybe she was involved in an accident. I sent a friend over to the house to speak to her but when he arrived the house was empty.
I could not think straight and was constantly worried about the situation. I ended up taking time off work to fly back and find out what was happening. I got back to my house to find it was not as completed as I thought it was. Work has been done on the house but it was still a building site and nowhere near finished. There was no sign of Pim anywhere.
I started asking around. I visited the bars that I always drank at with Pim. I got speaking to the manager of a bar in Patong where we always would drink. The manager told me that Pim used to work at another bar on the strip, apparently Pim had been working in the bar for at least 2-3 years - this was all new to me. I thought that Pim had worked at a clothing store before meeting me, she never mentioned bar work.
Although the manager gave me some information on her past, no-one I spoke to knew where Pim was. It was like she had just vanished.
I spent more time in Patong alone and depressed, I started drinking heavily. I looked through the paperwork that I had brought relating to the purchase of my house. A business card fell out for the real estate agent that sold the house. On a whim I visited their office to see if they could help me find Pim.
Although the realtor only spoke with Pim while I was buying the house, she remembered it and described it as 'the blue corner house for 1.6 million'. I showed her photos of the house on my phone and she repeated, 'yes, I remember. That blue corner house we sold for 1.6 million'.
You will probably read this story and think that it is ridiculous and that it could never happen to you. I wouldn't class myself as an idiot either, but it quickly transpired that Pim had sold me a house which cost 1.6 million for 3.5 million and simply put the difference in her own pocket.
The process of buying a house involved what seemed like thousands of pieces of paper, and Pim had dealt with most of it. She had somehow inflated the price that I paid. She then took even more funds which were supposed to be used to renovate the house. I was expecting the house to be almost finished, but when I arrived it was still in a total state of disrepair. Plus, Pim owned a large percentage of the holding company which owned the house.
The truth was starting to dawn on me and I broke down in the real estate office. While going through my paperwork with them, they pointed out that I had a copy of Pim's ID card, which featured an address for a small town in Roi Et.
I needed answers at this point and took a flight from Phuket to Bangkok. In Bangkok I rented a car and drove myself to her village. The drive took me 7 hours. She was living in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by rice fields. Finding her village was very difficult and it took hours to locate her.
I showed local people in the village photos of Pim on my phone and they told me with broken English that Pim lives in 'that house' with a farang.They pointed to a very large 4-5 bedroom house that was painted white. I should point out that ''farang'' means a foreign man, usually a white guy. They were reluctant to give me any information and I could tell that they were gossiping amongst themselves as the 'translator' tried to communicate in broken English.
The house that she supposedly lived at was protected by a gate/fence all around it. I could see most of the driveway from the roadside as the house sat on top of a hill. I decided to just see what was happening and sat outside the house in my rented car.
After 40 minutes of sitting outside this house in the middle of nowhere, my heart sank as I saw Pim walking outside the house and onto the driveway. It was definitely her, I recognized her hair, clothes, everything. Shortly after she left I saw a white man follow her out of the door and two young children. They walked around the garden together watering plants.
At this moment the gravity of the situation hit me like a brick in the face. I just couldn’t believe that I had been conned in this way. All along she had been living with a different man and raising his kids.
This is probably very anticlimactic, but I decided not to confront them and just drove away. I am not a confrontational guy and did not want to create a big situation in front of her kids. I don't know whether the other guy knew that I had been conned but by this stage I didn't care either. Maybe I am not the only boyfriend, maybe her husband just sits back while Pim earns money by conning guys out of cash. I don't know and will probably never know the truth.
After this I sought legal advice and the long and short of it is that it's going to be a very long road to try to recover my money and get out of the situation that I'm in. My lawyer said that it will take years and might not go anywhere, of course I will still need to pay the legal bills whatever happens with my case.
I will admit that I was a fool, and while all Thai women are not bad I will certainly be more cautious in the future. When my relationship becomes more serious I will definitely have you run a background check on my girlfriend before money enters the equation.
When reading online, you'll come across numerous stories of foreign men forming romantic relationships with Thai bar girls. The advice, more often than not, is to "steer clear" — and with good reason. Entering a relationship with someone working in a red-light district anywhere in the world is, for most people, considered a questionable decision.
However, many foreign men do enter into relationships with Thai bar girls, and some even marry them and go on to lead happy lives together. So, what differentiates a long, happy relationship from a short-lived, disastrous one? The truth is, each relationship is shaped by a variety of unique factors. In this article, we’ll explore some of the more common circumstances we've witnessed.
First, it’s important to understand the role of a "bar girl" in Southeast Asia. A bar girl is a woman who works in entertainment venues, responsible for socializing with and entertaining clients — both within the bar and outside of it.
Bar girls earn a commission each time a customer buys them a drink. If a customer decides to take the woman out of the bar, they pay a "bar fine" to compensate the bar for losing a staff member. The woman typically receives a portion of this fine, in addition to money paid by the customer for her time.
Bar girls can be found in most of Thailand's red-light districts, including beer bars, go-go bars, gentlemen's clubs, discos, nightclubs, karaoke bars, and more.
Some men, early on in their relationships with Thai bar girls, choose to allow their girlfriend to continue working in the bar — either accepting the fact that she will still engage with customers or hoping it won’t affect their relationship. If the man isn’t ready to financially support her by sending money, this arrangement can take several forms.
The most common approach is a "don’t ask, don’t tell" policy, where the lady continues her work with clients without informing her boyfriend of the details. Some women may choose to be more transparent, updating their boyfriend every time they see a new client.
By far, the most common scenario involves the lady telling her boyfriend, "I will keep working in the bar but I will never go with customers. I’ll make money from drinks and tips, but I won’t leave with anyone." The reality, however, often differs. In our investigations, we frequently discover that the lady is still “on the game” — still available for the right price, despite her assurances. This is to be expected, given the nature of the job, where the primary goal for many women is to earn as much as they can for themselves and their families.
Surprisingly, many men continue to believe their girlfriend's assurances that she doesn’t leave the bar with customers. In our experience, eight out of ten women in such situations are still working as bar girls in some capacity.
If a bar girl claims she doesn’t leave the bar, she might promise her boyfriend, "I’ll call you at the same time every night to prove I’m in my own room." While this can give the boyfriend a false sense of security, it doesn’t stop the lady from participating in short-term arrangements. She may also tell a customer that she needs to grab some clothes from her room before heading to his hotel. During the brief trip to her room, she might make a quick phone call to her boyfriend, saying she's feeling tired and can't talk for long. Afterward, the phone goes silent, and she returns to her customer. We’ve seen this happen numerous times.
Bar girls sometimes claim to work as cashiers or managers in the bar, or even say they’ve only just started working there. Other times, they’ll call their boyfriend in front of their customer, with some men even finding the situation amusing — and sharing it online.
The bottom line: if your girlfriend works at a bar in Thailand, you can never be sure if she will leave with a customer. If she’s attractive, there will likely be frequent offers from patrons. And it’s important to remember that each customer isn’t just a chance for her to earn money — it's also a potential opportunity to form a romantic relationship. This brings us to the next topic...
A common question in online forums and social media groups is whether bar girls have multiple boyfriends at once. This is often referred to as "the bar girl scam."
Bar girls meet numerous men every day or week. If a woman is young and attractive, many men may be interested in her, whether for a brief "pay-for-play" encounter or a serious romantic relationship.
The rise of online dating apps and websites has made it even easier for bar girls to connect with men from all over the world. Rarely do these women admit to their job, even when meeting men online. In some cases, they might visit a friend’s café to take a few photos in a friend's uniform. Many men who meet these women online have no reason to question her claim of working a regular job, especially when photos support her story.
Given that bar girls interact with multiple men, there’s always a chance that they could develop relationships with more than one person. Some men might send her regular money, others send occasional gifts, while some might not contribute at all, only spending money when visiting Thailand. Regardless, romance scams can be very profitable for bar girls, especially if they are attractive and in demand.
Taking a bar girl out of the bar can be a complicated situation. If you’re not willing to financially support her, she may continue working in the bar and leaving with customers, even if she insists otherwise. Eventually, she may meet a man who is willing to spend money to support her and stop her from working in the bar. This can be the "endgame" for some bar girls.
On the flip side, if you choose to send money to your girlfriend so she can stop working in the bar, you could be at risk of being scammed.
Many men believe their situation is different, saying, "I’ve heard the horror stories, but this girl is different; she’s not like the others." The reality is that most bar girls are in similar circumstances. Some might stop working in the bar after receiving financial support, but many continue working in the bar or find more discreet ways to earn money, such as freelancing or using dating apps. Will she be happy with the financial support of one man, or will she seek to earn more? Some choose the latter.
Unless you're ready to commit to paying her a regular allowance or purchasing a business for her, you won’t know if she’s genuine or just looking for a quick payout. It can take months or even years for her true intentions to reveal themselves. In some long-term scams, it can take years for the truth to surface.
We believe that when money is involved in a relationship, it’s wise to perform due diligence to ensure you’re not being taken advantage of.
As a leading detective agency in Thailand, we can help investigate your partner using various investigative techniques. Visit our website to learn more about our services, or reach out to one of our experienced team members for a free quote.
If your Thai girlfriend keeps asking you for money, then this could be a sign that she is not financially independent and needs support from you in order to pay her bills and live day to day, perhaps she simply does not earn enough money. On the other hand, it may be indicative of a romance scam, or that she could be using you for money.
Of course, for those of us that are not able to read minds, discovering your partner's true intentions can be very difficult. Hiring a private investigator in Thailand is one way to check on your partner's activity/movements in order to confirm their claims and verify whether infidelity is taking place within a relationship - there is nothing worse than being cheated on, and as Thailand's leading detective agency we are often asked to help in such cases.
Some Thai ladies have careers or businesses and are able to earn large salaries - ladies that fall into this category are not likely to need help from their boyfriends or husbands with paying for day to day expenses. However, if your girlfriend is working a menial or low paid job, then she might find making ends meet more of a challenge.
In traditional Thai culture, the daughter of the family is typically responsible for supporting her parents into their old age - many Thai people do not have high paying pensions as is common in Western countries.
If the lady already has children from a previous relationship then she will likely need to provide for her kids as well as potentially her parents. Supporting yourself and your family on a low paid or minimum wage job can be a challenge; especially if the lady also has debts or other commitments which she needs to take care of.
Many Thai ladies that are uneducated and have a family to feed will look to Thailand's red light areas for an income... Securing a decent paying job can be very difficult without relevant qualifications, and most businesses require start-up capital. Working "the game" can act as the means to an end for impoverished ladies in some cases, and infidelity involving the sex industry is something that we often observe during surveillance investigations that are conducted by us. If your girlfriend is struggling for money, and happens to live near a red light area, then the risks of infidelity occurring are clear.
If your girlfriend does not make enough money by herself, then perhaps you could support her into further education such as university, which might enable her to earn money money in the future. Otherwise you might be able to provide the capital needed for her to start a business. Before making decisions it would be wise to consider your partner's current incomings/outgoings and perform due diligence in order to make sure that she is trustworthy.
While there are obviously risks associated with choosing to invest in your partner, the adage "Give a man a fish and will be hungry tomorrow; teach him to catch a fish and you will feed him for a lifetime" is relevant here.
Sending money to a person that you have not yet met in real life is a different topic altogether.
Due to the prevalence of romance scams we encounter during our day-to-day work, if you have never met your Thai girlfriend in real life then we would not recommend sending money to her.
If you decide to support a person you have not met in person anyway, then we would recommend running a background check on her beforehand, or at least carrying out some form of investigation in order to confirm that her story is correct and not fabricated. We have observed many cases where romance scammers were able to take advantage of others' good will... Even if the lady is not a scammer, she could be involved in relationships with other men or fabricating major details about her life in order to extract money from you.
Gold is popular in Thailand, and if you spend anytime in the country then you will notice gold stores in most areas; whether you are in a small town or city, a store selling gold jewellery is never far away. In these stores gold can be purchased and sold or even pawned in some cases.
Gold in Thailand is usually 23 karat, which is 96.5% pure gold. Due to its high purity Thai gold has a distinctive yellow colour, which is different to the duller colours often seen in Western jewellery which have lower purities of gold. Due to its high purity, Thai gold is also more soft and malleable.
Gold jewellery is also relatively cheap in Thailand - the amount you will pay for having a piece of gold crafted into a necklace is not a lot more than the value of the metal itself. Gold can therefore be swapped for cash without much loss; if the value of gold goes up then you might gain a small amount (or you might lose money if the value of gold goes down). This is unlike gold jewellery in Western countries where steep fees are usually charged, which are far above the cost of the metal itself.
In traditional culture, buying gold is used by some as a way of saving money and investing it in a tangible asset. Gold jewellery can easily be swapped for cash, and it allows people to show off and display their wealth... Your Thai girlfriend might enjoy walking around with gold necklaces/bracelets/rings, in order to 'gain face' by showing others that she has enough spare cash to buy gold jewellery.
If you are considering a gift for your Thai girlfriend, then Thai gold jewellery is a good option. After all, if she doesn't like it or would like to spend the money on something else, then the item can easily be sold for cash or traded for another piece. Remember though to purchase only Thai gold jewellery - your Thai girlfriend is not likely to be impressed by a 10 karat chain from the West!
One of the reasons that Thai ladies seek relationships with foreigners may be the perception that foreign men have money and will be able to provide them with financial security. If you decide to start a relationship with a lady that is struggling financially, then you will need to help keep her head above water - just as a Thai man would, or any guy in a mutual relationship with her.
The Thai concept of 'saving face' does not always help matters when it comes to extracting information from your partner such as specific details on their finances. What do we mean by this? Well, if the lady owes money and is in significant debt, then she might not be keen to tell you about this, and it's easy to understand why. After all, most guys will not be thrilled to discover that their partner has debts or other financial commitments, and revealing this information could lead to her 'losing face'.
Due to this, understanding the true state of your Thai partner's finances might be easier said than done. In order to understand her financial situation, you could make a start by listing her in-goings and out-goings - how much does she earn and how much does she spend? Does she have any dependants that rely on her, and if so how much does it cost to support them? Is the lady in debt? Does the lady or her family own farmland for example? If so, what are the costs associated with cultivating their land?
If your girlfriend is constantly asking you for money and to make non-essential purchases for her then this might be indicative that you are being taken for a ride. Although, as we mentioned at the start of this article, discovering your partner's true intentions can be very difficult unless you are able to read her mind... Many of our clients would never have discovered that their partner was cheating on them or living a double life had they not taken the step to investigate further.
Thailand is a safe country to visit and holiday in. Indeed, your risk of being exposed to common crimes such as theft remains lower in Thailand than in many major cities in the USA or Europe.
However, if you intend to spend time consuming alcohol in Thailand's notorious nightlife areas, or in any resort/tourist location anywhere in the world, then you should remain alert and be aware of things to look out for.
While instances are still relatively rare, there are still occasional cases of petty theft such as pickpocketing in nightlife areas. Gold jewellery is virtually the same as currency in Thailand, with gold shops on most streets it is easy to exchange gold for cash, and most locals know the value of it.
In 2022, The Pattaya News reported multiple cases where Indian tourists claim to have had their gold necklaces taken from them whilst in nightlife areas of the town. [Example 1, Example 2.]
If you have expensive jewellery, then perhaps consider leaving it at home, or at least leaving it in your hotel room while you visit nightlife areas.
If you are spending time in any beer bar or go-go bar, then you will likely be approached by a bar girl who will speak to you and eventually ask that you buy her a drink. Bar girls earn a small commission each time someone buys them a drink, which can help to top-up their incomes.
Of course, if you decide to purchase a lady drink then it will be more expensive than your own drink. Lady drinks can typically range anywhere from 150 to 250+ THB each.
If you decide to spend time in a nightclub instead, then you might also find a lady there and decide to buy drinks for her. While most ladies in nightclubs are not employed by the clubs themselves, they can sometimes also earn a commission on drinks which are purchased for them. This can come as a surprise to those that are new to Thailand's nightlife scene.
Many bar girls will try to drink as much as possible in order to earn money. If you offer to purchase a drink for a lady, then she might order herself a shot which takes a couple of seconds to drink - you will then need to buy another beverage for her to consume while sitting with you.
In order to avoid being taken for a ride, always keep an eye on your bill and double check how much you are being charged for. Periodically taking a look at your bill can help to keep tabs on how much you have spent.
Thailand is of course famous for its ladyboys. Ladyboys are seen as a 'third gender' and largely accepted within Thai society. Some tourists even visit the country specifically to spend time with ladyboys or look for a ladyboy partner.
Many ladyboys have a very feminine appearance and can really make themselves appear like born females... Hormone treatments, and cheap cosmetic procedures can help to complete the look and in many cases you would be hard pressed to differentiate between a lady that was born female and a ladyboy.
If you are not interested in ladyboys then remember to be respectful at all times. You can politely decline ladyboys without insulting them. Due to the Thai culture of 'saving face', many people will not take kindly to being insulted, and ladyboys are no different. If a ladyboy approaches you in any Thai nightlife area, then you can politely decline her by saying "No thanks" - or you could learn the Thai equivalent which is "Mai aw cab". Responding with insults or inappropriate comments is not a wise decision in most cases - remember, it is their country, so try to be respectful at all times.
If you spend time in Thailand's nightlife areas drinking and conversing with ladies (or ladyboys/men, if that's your preference), then you may find a lady that tells you it is her 'first day in the bar' (or first week/month), or that she has 'never been with a customer before'.
Of course, the motivation behind these claims is easy to understand... Many ladies are looking for a serious romantic relationship with a foreigner, and claiming to have only recently started working at a nightlife venue can help to make her seem more innocent and thus more appealing to customers.
As a leading detective agency based in Thailand, we are often asked by our clients to help investigate claims such as work history, and we often find the claims to be inaccurate. Our bar girl investigation service often alerts our clients that their girlfriend is being disloyal to them while they are out of the country - the majority of bar girls investigations that we carry out lead to this result.
Many of the best nightclubs in Thailand offer free admission all night long. Offering free admission can help to attract foreign tourists, it also appeals to 'freelancers' - who are ladies that visit these venues with the goal of finding a customer for the night. Many bar girls or even ladies with ordinary jobs will visit clubs to freelance in the evenings if they have not already found a customer for the night, and many will be reluctant to pay entrance or admission fees.
Of course, even clubs that are free to enter will usually have VIP areas, which may have separate entrance fees and even separate dress codes in some cases.
If you don't mind the fee and it is not too high, then there is obviously no problem with paying to enter a specific venue - just be aware that there are usually free alternatives nearby. Once paid, admission fees are of course non-refundable; so consider whether it is worthwhile paying to enter a specific venue.
It goes without saying that falling in love or forming a serious relationship with someone that you met in a red light area is not usually a wise endeavour in any country in the world, and this advice is no less true for Thailand.
While some foreigners do meet their wives or long term partners in nightlife areas and go on to enjoy happy relationships; for every success story you will find many more 'horror stories' where guys have found themselves being taken for a ride.
Whether you meet a lady in a beer bar, go-go bar, club, disco, karaoke bar, massage parlour, or even a lady working an 'ordinary job' that happens to be within reach of a nightlife area, relationships can quickly develop into something more serious; and it's easy to understand why... You are in a beautiful tropical country, with a beautiful lady that seems like she is head over heels in love with you.
The typical 'bar girl scam' will involve a lady spending time with a guy during his vacation. However, with the prevalence of online dating websites/apps, we have seen more and more guys unwittingly involve themselves with ladies of the night through the internet.
Although often described as a 'bar girl scam', the typical romance scam can involve ladies from all different occupations, and if you meet a 'working' lady using a dating site then she probably will not be upfront and honest with you about her true line of work.
The 'bar girl scam' usually runs somewhere along the following lines:
You meet a lady (in real life or in person) that claims she is head over heels in love with you... You've read the 'horror stories' online but this lady seems different. You form a strong bond and relationship with her, she is 'special' and not like other women.
For an attractive lady that regularly meets with foreign men (through either working in a nightlife area and/or internet dating), the opportunity for her to repeat the above process with many guys is often a lucrative endeavour.
Some ladies are able to find themselves multiple different boyfriends, all of whom will believe they are the only man in her life. Some will visit Thailand occasionally and buy her gifts, some will send money from overseas - maybe one or two boyfriends will even send the lady a monthly allowance. Whichever way you look at it, having several boyfriends can be very profitable.
As leading private investigators in Thailand, we can help to investigate cheating partners and discover whether your girlfriend or spouse is being faithful while you are out of the country. We offer free, no pressure quotations for all work. Visit the Bangkok Private Investigators homepage to learn more about us or request a quote.
Renting a motorbike or scooter during your trip to Thailand is statistically one of the most dangerous activities that you may choose to partake in. This is especially true if you are not proficient on two wheels or are new to the country and yet to fully understand traffic rules and etiquette.
Taxis are cheap and available in all nightlife areas. Ride hailing apps such as 'Grab' or 'bolt' can be used to order an inexpensive ride directly from your smartphone easily and cheaply. We would recommend making use of these services and staying off two wheels.
If you decide to rent a motorbike/scooter anyway, then make sure you bring an International Driving Permit (IDP) which is complete with a motorcycle endorsement. If you do not have a motorbike license in your home country, then your IDP will not allow you to drive a scooter in another country such as Thailand.
"In my country I can ride a 50cc scooter using just my car license - so I can ride a scooter in Thailand too" - This is not true. Unless you have a motorbike license in your home country your International Driving Permit will only allow you to drive cars. Whether or not your home country allows you to ride a low-powered scooter using a car license is irrelevant.
As well as making sure that you have a valid driving permit or license, it would be prudent to check that your travel insurance policy will cover you for any accidents on the road. While Thailand is a cheap and cheerful place for the most part, if you fall off a motorbike and become seriously injured then you might find yourself racking up millions of baht in medical expenses very quickly.
If you find yourself spending intimate time with anyone in Thailand, then use a condom. Remember, it is possible to carry and transmit a serious STD without knowing that you are infected - so don't take the risk.