Long distance relationship with a Thai lady: Can it work?
December 26, 2023 - Reading time: 10 minutes
For many guys that are in relationships with Thai women, being in the same country all the time is not viable, and so many will be engaged in 'long distance relationships' with their partners, at least temporarily.
When it comes to long distance relationships, much will depend on your relationship with the lady... How long you have lived together, how long the relationship has gone on for, and many other details relating to your circumstances.
As a leading private investigation company based in Thailand, we often discover that while the foreign man might feel as-though his relationship is very serious, his girlfriend on the other hand might not be so committed to him whilst they are living thousands of miles apart. This can be in part due to some cultural differences which we will touch on in this article.
Providing financial support to a Thai girlfriend
It's no secret that some Thai women who choose to date foreign men are doing so due to the perception that foreign men have money, and will be able to help support them financially.
However, Thai ladies (and especially streetwise scam artists), fully understand that asking their boyfriend for money will be seen as a red flag early on in the relationship. If the lady needs or is expecting financial support from her boyfriend, but is too concerned about her boyfriend's reaction to ask, then she might not feel that the relationship is as serious as he feels.
Of course, while some Thai women are wealthy and make more than enough money to support themselves, you will need to determine whether or not this is the case with your partner. Due to the Thai concept of 'saving face', this can be difficult to achieve, especially early on in the relationship. The lady may 'paint a nicer picture' in order to make herself more appealing.
If your Thai girlfriend works in a bar, massage parlour, or in any form of nightlife or 'adult entertainment' venue, then the likelihood of her hooking up with other guys is in our experience very high, particularly if the boyfriend is not providing any financial support.
Is marriage important to Thai women?
Yes, marriage is important to most Thai women. Indeed, it has been said that some Thai ladies do not consider a romantic relationship to be serious until the knot has been tied and a wedding has taken place.
If you are truly serious about the relationship with your Thai girlfriend, then it would be advisable to get married as soon as practical.
Meeting and forming bonds with your Thai girlfriend's parents and other family members is also important, as it helps to demonstrate that you are serious about the relationship. Most Thai ladies are very close with their families.
Relationship scams during long distance relationships
Unfortunately, being in a long distance relationship can sometimes lead to infidelity or open you up to a romance scam. Most guys that are in love with a Thai lady will never suspect that their partner could be cheating on them, or that she might even have multiple different boyfriends.
The typical mentality is "She's different, it could never happen to me". Unfortunately, the lady is not always different, and temptations can sometimes prove too much to resist.
As we touched on earlier in the article, financial support can be seen as a huge benefit of dating a foreign man. If the lady desperately needs money (even if she is too shy to ask you for it), then she might be tempted to form new relationships (whether long term or short term) with other men who are willing to provide that help.
After all, if you are thousands of miles away in another country, then you will never find out what she is getting up to. The 'Thai girlfriend scam' was popularised by a show on T+E; wherein a Thai lady confesses to having 3 different long term boyfriends... She goes on to explain that some of those boyfriends will send her money on a regular basis, while some others will only send cash when she has an issue or problem with her family.
Developing long term plans
For most people, the idea of being in a long distance relationship over the long term is not ideal. Couples that are not living in the same country as each other will usually look to the future and try to form long term plans which can facilitate the couple living under the same roof.
Whether you're able to move over to Thailand, or help your partner to join you in your home country, will largely depend on your own subjective circumstances and preferences... Is your partner well educated? Does she have a career or profession that can be continued in your home country? Or is she uneducated with no savings and performing menial work?
Likewise if you intend to move to Thailand, then you should question whether or not this can work financially. Many jobs in Thailand are off-limits to foreigners, especially those which entail physical or menial work. There are also strict minimum salaries which foreigners must earn in order to live in Thailand, which vary depending on the person's nationality.
Getting a long term visa for your Thai spouse
For many guys that date Thai women, their goal is to eventually bring the lady back to their home country, or to move over to Thailand themselves.
Depending on which country you come from, this could be a difficult pursuit. In order to secure a visa, you will likely need to demonstrate your relationship through providing photos, chat logs, social media posts, even money transfer receipts if you are supporting the lady financially. Be aware of this and try to create a 'paper trail' as proof of your relationship.
In many cases, immigration officials will also want to see proof that the lady (or man) is stable financially and has reason to return back to Thailand... Typically this can include the lady's bank statement which shows her salary being paid regularly. Land/property deeds, savings, and other assets or commitments can also help in some cases.
Long distance Thai girlfriend working in a bar
If your Thai girlfriend is working in a bar, or another venue which provides 'adult entertainment' such as a massage parlour, go-go bar, etcetera, then this is another topic altogether. Typically, bar girls will claim 'not to go with customers' while they are engaged in long term relationships. The reality of the situation is usually different to this, based on our experience.
Bar girls almost always continue to see other men while they have an overseas, long distance relationship. As private investigators, we are often asked to check this as part of our decoy/bar girl investigation service.
Indeed, if the lady is working in a bar while you are overseas, then she might not be upfront and honest about this. In some cases handled by us, ladies claim to work in a normal job such as a restaurant or supermarket. However, when we have conducted an investigation, we discovered that the lady was instead working in a bar and seeing customers for money. In some cases the lady will have a 'normal' day job, but then freelance in the evening times by visiting a bar/club, or by standing on the side of the road, or by hooking up with guys from dating apps. If you are not in the country then it can be very difficult to find out what is truly going on.
Can my long distance relationship work?
Long distance relationships with Thai women can indeed work, but much will depend on both of your circumstances and the lady's situation. It's also important to realise that no matter how much you message or call each other online, there is no substitute for getting to know each other by spending quality time together in person. Communicating with your girlfriend over the internet will not properly shed light on all of her flaws, faults and bad habits, and it would certainly be a good idea to spend as much time together in real life as possible, before taking things to the next level.
The Thai concept of 'saving face' can make it difficult to discover the truth about your partner's circumstances, especially if you are in a long distance relationship. For example, if your partner is in a considerable amount of debt, or has family problems or other serious issues; then she might not be forthcoming with that information, as it would cause her to 'lose face' and potentially threaten your relationship with her. Discovering the truth while purely dating online is typically not possible.
If you need to keep an eye on your Thai partner while you are out of the country, then we can certainly assist using our surveillance service... Or, if you would like more information on your partner's background then we can help to perform a background check on them instead. Visit our homepage at BangkokInvestigators.com to learn more about us and the services we offer.
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