Can a Thai bar girl make a good wife?

February 6, 2023 - Reading time: 10 minutes

Reading online you are bound to find countless stories involving foreign men forming romantic relationships with Thai bar girls... Usually, the advice is to 'steer clear', and not without good reason. Entering a relationship with any person that works at a red light area in any country in the world is probably not considered to be a wise endeavour by most people.

However many foreign men do become involved with Thai bar girls and go on to get married and live happy lives together, so what makes the difference between long, happy relationship and a disastrous, short one? The truth is there are many unique variables at play in each relationship; this article will touch on some of the more common circumstances witnessed by us.

What is a Thai bar girl?

First of all, it's important to understand the job description of 'bar girls' in south east Asia... Bar girls are ladies that are responsible for entertaining clients, both inside and outside the bars in which they work.

Woman in a tank top drinking alcohol from a bottle

Bar girls earn a commission each time someone buys a drink from them. If a customer decides to take the lady from the bar then he will also need to pay what is known as a 'bar fine' in exchange for the bar losing a member of staff; the lady herself will typically receive commission from the bar fine, as well as money paid from the customer for her time.

Bar girls can be found in most red light areas of Thailand, in beer bars, go-go bars, gentlemen's clubs, discos, nightclubs, karaoke bars, and more.

Allowing your Thai girlfriend to work in a bar

One arrangement that some guys might choose early on in their relationship is to allow the lady to continue working in the bar and to simply accept the fact that she will continue sleeping with clients in exchange for money. If the man is not ready to 'take care' of the lady financially by sending money, then this is a popular choice, and it can take many different forms.

The first is a 'don't ask, don't tell' approach, where the lady will continue to service clients on a regular basis and not tell her 'boyfriend' what is going on - he would prefer to not know the details, while accepting that she is still on the game. In other cases the lady will inform her boyfriend each time she sees a new client, and let him know what is going on in her life.

Women drinking alcohol in a bar

By far the most common approach however is for the lady to tell her boyfriend that "I will keep working in the bar but I will never go with customers, I can make money from drinks and tips but I will never go with customers"... The reality in this case is usually different, and when we are asked to check during a bar girl investigation then in the majority of cases we will find the lady is still 'on the game', despite what she tells her boyfriend - she is still available for the right price. This is only to be expected as after all - it's in the job description for a bar girl, and most ladies are keen to earn as much money as they can for themselves and their families.

However, a surprising amount of guys will still believe the lie that their girlfriend is not leaving the bar with customers. In our opinion the lady will still be doing her full job as a bar girl in 8 out of 10 cases.

If a bar girl claims that she does not leave the bar with customers, then a popular technique is to tell her boyfriend "I will call you at the same time every night as proof that I'm in my own room". This can often provide a false sense of security, as the lady is still free for 'short time' arrangements where she can return back to her room in time. 

In other cases the lady will simply tell her customer that she needs to grab some clothes from her room before returning to his hotel room. While back at her own room the lady can make a quick phone call to her boyfriend, she might say that she is 'feeling tired and can't speak for long' - after the call her phone is turned to silent and she will return back to her customer. We have seen this happen on numerous occasions. 

Bar girls often claim to be "working as the cashier in the bar" or "working as the manager", having "only started working in the bar last week/month".

Other times the lady will call her boyfriend in front of her customer. Some guys that are paying for a lady's services even find this funny, and there are videos posted online which show this happening.

The bottom line is that if your girlfriend is currently working at a bar in Thailand, then you can never know for sure whether she will be prepared to leave with a customer. If she is attractive, then she is likely to regularly receive offers from customers in the bar. And remember, each customer is not only an opportunity for the lady to make a quick buck, it is also an opportunity for her to potentially forge a romantic relationship, which leads us to the following section...

Do Thai bar girls have more than one boyfriend at the same time? 

In online forums and social media groups, a common topic is the theme of a bar girl having multiple different boyfriends at the same time. This is often referred to as 'the bar girl scam'.

Bar girls are able to meet with numerous guys every day or week; and if the lady is young/attractive, then many of the guys she speaks to on a daily basis may be interested in her - whether that is a short time 'pay for play' arrangement or a serious romantic relationship.

Private investigator taking photos with a DSLR camera

The emergence of internet dating websites and apps can allow attractive bar girls to chat with men from all countries around the world. Of course, it is rare that a bar girl will actually admit her job title to men that she meets online. We have seen cases where ladies might visit their friends in a coffee shop or café where they can take half a dozen photos wearing their friend's uniform - the vast majority of men that find her on a dating site will never have any reason to doubt her claim to work a normal job, especially when her claim is backed up by photos.

With bar girls regularly meeting with different guys, there is a potential for them to form 'long term relationships' with more than one man. Some boyfriends might choose to send money to her on a regular basis, some might just send her gifts occasionally - some will send nothing and only spend money on the lady when they are in Thailand themselves. Whichever way you look at it, romance scams can be profitable, especially if the lady is attractive and desirable.

Taking your Thai girlfriend out of the bar

Taking a bar girl out of the bar can be a 'catch-22' type situation... If you are not willing to spend any money, then the lady will continue to work in the bar and continue to leave with customers (even if she tells you that she doesn't)... Eventually she might meet a guy that does want a serious relationship and that is willing to spend money to prevent her from working in a bar. This is the 'endgame' for some bar girls.

On the other hand, if you decide to send money to your girlfriend so that she can stop working in the bar, then you risk being scammed. 

Most guys believe that 'I've heard the horror stories but this girl is really different, she is not like the others', but the reality is that most bar girls are in very similar circumstances. Some bar girls might take the money and stop working in the bar, but many others will simply continue working in the bar or switch to more discreet methods such as freelancing or using dating apps. Will the lady be truly content with the support from one man, or will she seek to earn even more? Some choose a career from the latter.

Until you commit yourself to paying the lady a monthly allowance or purchasing some type of business for her, you won't find out whether she is genuine or just out for a quick buck. It may take many months or years for her true character to surface. In some long term scam cases it can take literally years the truth to come out.

We believe that if you are involving money into your relationship, then it can often make sense to perform due diligence in order to make sure that you are not being taken advantage of.

Check your Thai girlfriend

As a leading detective agency based in Thailand, we can help to investigate your partner through various techniques. Please click through our website to learn more about us, or get in touch with one of our experienced team members for a free quote.

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