Should I pay a dowry for my Thai wife?
January 23, 2020 - Reading time: 8 minutes
Should I pay a dowry for my Thai wife? Well, much depends on the circumstances and your situation. This is a question that you will need to ask yourself as well as the parents of your fiancé. We’ve put together this article to offer some general pointers on the subject.
Do I need to pay dowry/sin sod?
In Thai culture paying a dowry (or sin sod) to the bride’s family is very common. This is a tradition which has existed in Thailand for hundreds of years and is not a concept that was invented to rip off foreigners... Thai men also pay money to their bride’s parents when getting married and this is to be expected for foreigners marrying Thai women as well. However, if your bride’s family perceive you to be a wealthy foreigner, then they might expect more from you. Or they might ask you for very little (or nothing). Much will depend on their financial situation and their own personal views on the subject.
Some of the information available online regarding dowry and sin sod payments can be questionable at best. For example, there are many postings online which state that no money should ever be paid to the bride’s family if the bride has already been married or if she has children from a previous relationship. While in principle this does seem to make sense, over the years I have attended several weddings between Thai people where the lady has already been married and has children – the Thai men always pay dowries during these weddings. While the stance might seem logical, it is not set in stone and will be a matter between the groom and his brides parents in each case.
How much should I pay?
This will be a matter for the parents of your fiancé to decide. As a rule of thumb, dowry/sin sod payments are usually around 300,000 to 500,000 THB, sometimes going up to 1,000,000 THB and above. If the lady is particularly young then you can expect to pay a premium. Likewise if the parents have paid a significant amount of money for their daughter’s education they will understandably expect to be compensated for this when she is getting married to you.
Sin sod or dowry payments are usually made up of cash and gold, but can also include the deeds to property, land and vehicles.
Photo: A typical Thai dowry (sin sod) payment consisting of 500,000 THB cash and 273,000 THB worth of beautiful 23 karat Thai gold jewellery.
What about showing money but taking it back?
“Can’t I just show a big pile of money as sin sod but not give it to my wife’s family?”… Sometimes this is possible but it will be a matter for her family to decide. Ask yourself… Is your bride’s family rich or poor? Does their roof leak when it rains? If they’re in need of money then they may not perceive it as being unreasonable for them to expect some help from their daughter’s new husband. If your partner’s family are wealthy and surviving without any problems then you might be in for a better chance with this option.
Do I need to pay a dowry/sin sod if my Thai girlfriend was previously married OR already has children to another man?
Question: “Ian, I asked for advice online and was told that because my girlfriend was previously married (and has kids with her ex), this means I don't need to pay any sin sod when getting married to her. But my girlfriend's parents are still asking for money, what can I do? Feel free to answer my question on your blog.”
Answer: You can receive as much advice as possible on the topic of dowries/sin sod in Thailand; at the end of the day the decision will lie with your bride's parents - it is a question as to what they will be willing to accept from you. They might ask for nothing, or they might as for a new Toyota Fortuner and as many gold chains as 'Mr T'... The only way to find out will be to ask them directly.
I have personally attended weddings where two Thai people were married, where the bride was previously married and/or already had children, and a dowry was still paid at each of those weddings (real dowries, not ones 'for show' that were given back afterwards). While the idea is logical, it is not a guideline which is followed in every single case. Many Thais will 'demonstrate their love and commitment' by paying sin sod even though the lady was previously married and/or has children from a previous relationship, this is a personal preference and up to the people involved.
Visiting your girlfriend's parents and seeing their lifestyle and living conditions would be a good start. Building a relationship with them will also help when it comes to the topic of marriage. Ask yourself whether her parents are financially dependent on their daughter, or if they are earning enough money by themselves? In case of the former, you may need to help your wife to support her parents long into the marriage, and this may extend beyond a one off dowry/sin sod payment.
Other considerations
When you are paying money to your bride’s family as a dowry or sin sod, this money is obviously a gift and you have no right to dictate how the money is spent. However, it would be wise to try and ensure that the money is spent wisely and in a way that will benefit the family long term.
For example, dowries are often used as the down payment on a new vehicle. If this is the case, can her parents afford to make the car payments or will it fall back to you every single month?
Does her family have any debts that need to be cleared? Is their home in a good state of repair? It would be wise to spend money on these things rather than purchasing an expensive vehicle or superficial objects used to boost face.
Could the money be used to help her parents set up a business for example? The money is not yours once you’ve handed it over, but it would be wise to try and ensure that it is spent on a worthwhile endeavor.
Perform your own due diligence
Once you’ve paid a dowry and the cost of a wedding, you can’t get this money back. It makes sense to perform due diligence in the form of a background check on your partner before taking the leap into marriage. We have run countless premarital background checks for our clients, they act as a small investment, giving you peace of mind before you get married. Feel free to get in touch with one of our experienced team members for a free quote.
Learn more about background checks in Thailand.
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