5 reasons why I divorced my Thai wife

July 27, 2023 - Reading time: 10 minutes

Thanks for letting me send in my Thai wife story for your blog. I met my Thai wife during a trip to Thailand and we had been in a relationship for a total of seven years. I am going to write about some of the pitfalls of dating a Thai lady in my experience and the reasons that our relationship ultimately ended in a divorce. The following points would be things for me to consider before entering a serious relationship with another Thai lady.

1. English speaking ability 

I think it's important to be able to communicate with your wife. Of course, many Thai ladies are very good at speaking English - unfortunately my wife was not one of them. She mostly spoke in broken English and was very reluctant to learn. I tried to help her learn better English, however anytime that I corrected her she would become annoyed by that. I think this was in part due to the Thai concept of 'saving face', she felt extremely embarrassed at the idea of anyone over hearing me correct her broken English in public, which meant that I could not teach her.

She attended some English classes but I felt that she never really applied herself or tried to learn. Broken English can sometimes be adequate, but sometimes it is not. This was an issue that we struggled with.

2. She always needed help with money

My wife was from a rural farming community in north east Thailand. She graduated high school but did not have a university degree or any qualifications. After graduating high school she worked in various menial jobs before ending up in Pattaya where I met her. She was working in Pattaya in order to earn enough money to support her family.

Asian lady smelling a flower

At first I didn't have a problem giving her money, I even paid her an allowance for supporting her family and general spending money. Over the years though I realised that she would never be capable of supporting herself. There were always unexpected bills from her family, whether their roof was damaged during a storm or a health scare, or a vehicle breaking down, planting rice fields, or fertiliser or pesticides for her rice fields, health/life insurance policies, there was always something that needed to be paid for.

I bought her a couple of different businesses but felt that she never truly applied herself; the businesses ultimately failed and I wound up losing even more money on them as a result. I tried to help my wife save money but there was always some unexpected expense and whatever savings she had would be used up. She always needed more.

If I was to remarry, I think that I would try to look for a lady with a stable career and a decent income.

3. She cheated on me

Infidelity was a recurring theme within our relationship. Shortly after we got married I discovered that she had been texting one of her exes on Facebook. She never allowed me to view her phone screen and thinking back, she was probably texting many other farang men. There is no other valid reason for someone to be protective over their phone and always hide their phone's screen from their partner while texting.

I never felt that she was truly satisfied with the money that I was giving her, and if she was seeing other men then she would have done this with the intention of earning money - or that is my (arguably deluded) view of the situation. I can't speak about all females, but in my case the relationship with my wife always involved me giving her money on a regular basis, and presumably she would be seeking a similar arrangement with other men.

Although deep down I did have a lingering feeling that she could be cheating on me (the warning signals were there), I never truly believed that she could cheat on me until I decided to check her and find out for sure. If you are also having doubts about your relationship then I would recommend checking and finding out for sure. I dread to think about the amount of guys that will never find out that they are being cheated on by their girlfriends or wives.

4. Trouble with visas

This point will largely depend on your circumstances and which country you come from. In my case, I am from the United States and was earning a six figure salary at my job which I couldn't justify walking away from. I had spent prolonged vacations living in Thailand however the long term solution in our relationship was for my wife to get a visa and move over to the states.

An airliner flying through a city surrounded by tall buildings

We seemed to tick every box that we could find, I had a stable job for starters, we were in a long term relationship which was well documented by photos, money transfers, and flight receipts, she had ties to Thailand like owning land and family commitments. 

We tried and tried to get her a visa and were knocked back each time. It took so much time and money to make applications which were refused. I have spoken to many other Americans who also found it virtually impossible to secure a long term visa for their Thai partners. Sure, for some people the process is relatively easy but it can be a real mine field. The process takes a long time and I ended up seeking professional advice which was not cheap either.

In the end we could not get her a visa and I travelled back and forth to Thailand, which was not an ideal situation.

5. Cultural differences

If you are dating a Thai lady (or any person from an Asian country), and you come from a Western country yourself, then you might find some cultural differences between yourself and your partner during your relationship.

Most guys will never consider this, but certain things between east and west don't always match, and it can take some time before those differences start to show. Of course, all people are different and I can only speak to my own personal experiences.

For example, Thai people tend to regard the feet as the dirtiest part of the body. Anytime I would turn off a freestanding fan, I would press the button with my toe instead of bending down to turn it off by pressing the button with my finger. It's easier than bending down and I suffer from backache. This habit REALLY irritated my wife, as did any time that I used my feet for something instead of my hands. I tried to remember to use my hands but would often forget and annoy her or her relatives.

Another difference was my wife's strong commitments to her family. For example, I was renting a small house while staying in Thailand and my wife would often invite her extended family members over. They would often turn up to sleep over at my house for the night... I'm talking a dozen or more people sleeping in a two bedroom house. They would lay out blankets on the floor of the living room and bed down for the night.

I was not fond of my in-laws showing up and staying over at random intervals, and my wife saw no problem with it. Similarly, my wife would very often invite her family along to our trips around Thailand. It was like I had married my wife's family as well as her, they were always around. This was a source of major arguments between us.

My wife was very close with her family and would frequently call her mother or father for several hours a day. They were always talking over audio or video calls and I would usually need to wait for her to finish her call before being able to discuss something with her. 

Of course, your experiences may vary regarding cultural differences and this one example is merely the 'tip of an iceberg'.

Check your Thai girlfriend

We recommend performing a premarital background check before getting married or entering into a serious relationship with a Thai girlfriend. Background check investigations of this nature can help to check and verify facts surrounding your partner. If you suspect that your partner could be actively cheating on you, then we could also check their activities/movements by placing them under surveillance. Our fees for surveillance depend on the location of the case.

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We offer free, no pressure quotes for all work. Please feel free to get in touch with one of our experienced team members for more information. If you would like a quote for our surveillance service then we will need to know the exact locations of the case in order to confirm a quote, so please include as much information as possible with your inquiry.

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Is it legal to hire a private investigator in Thailand?

July 23, 2023 - Reading time: 8 minutes

As leading private detectives based in Thailand, we are frequently instructed by clients that have never previously hired a private detective before; and as such, we are frequently asked questions such as whether or not investigative services are in fact legal.

Yes, it is legal to hire a private investigator in Thailand. However, it is always advisable to use a well established and reputable firm in order to ensure high quality results. The detective agency should be a registered Thai company, with all fees paid into accounts held by that company. Accreditations and past experience should also be considered when choosing a detective agency.

Of course, it is possible to hire a private investigator in another country to carry out investigations within Thailand; in this situation the case will typically be outsourced to a local firm based in Thailand, with middle man fees added by the agency which manages the case.

We frequently provide updates to our clients during investigations in real time, and although we also work alongside other detective agencies around the world; we find it easier to communicate directly with our clients, rather than communicating through an intermediary based in the client's home country.

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We offer free quotes for all work; if you require the services of a private detective based in Thailand then feel free to get in touch with one of our experienced team members for help and advice.

What can private investigators in Thailand do?

Private investigators typically offer a number of different services for either private or corporate clients; our agency provides services to both sectors.

Personal surveillance service

Personal surveillance can be used in a number of different cases to check the lifestyle/activities of a subject. Surveillance is often used during infidelity investigations, for example, and is the most common method which can be used to catch acts of infidelity on camera.

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Surveillance is often deployed in areas of Thailand such as Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket, Chiang Mai; however we can also deploy surveillance teams in all areas of Thailand, subject to reimbursement for travel time and costs.

If you are interested in our surveillance service and would like a free quote, then please feel free to get in touch with us - we will need to know the locations of the case and any relevant details in order to understand your needs and requirements, please include this information when getting in touch with us.

Background check services

Due to the growing problem of romance scams, premarital background checks are an increasingly common method to check and verify facts relating to a Thai girlfriend or boyfriend before taking the step to get married or further progress a romance.

Background checks can also be used by employers to check candidates as part of preemployment background screening.

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Checks can be used to verify any number of different factors relating to an individual; from basic information such as their date of birth or gender, to other checks such as employment history, marriage/divorce history, criminal record checks, family checks, and more.

We offer standard background check packages and can also offer customised packages depending on the needs and requirements of our client. Please feel free to contact us and tell us about your case to learn more about our background check service. We offer free, no pressure quotes for all work.

Missing people investigations

Searching for missing people can prove to be some of the most challenging and most rewarding cases that are handled by us.

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In cases such as these, everything will depend on the information that our client is able to provide us with... Are there any locations which could be visited in order to conduct interviews with a view to locating the subject? Is any information available on the subject's current or past locations? What is the subject's nationality? Why specifically are you trying to get hold of them? For missing people investigations we will need as much background information as possible in order to assess the situation and provide a quote.

Corporate investigations 

We have years of experience in performing corporate investigations and due diligence within Thailand. Investigations on behalf of corporate clients often involve the acquisition and dissection of data which can be used to help them to make informed decisions, which will in turn allow them to save both time and money.

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Shrewd businessperson understand that conducting due diligence in the form of relevant checks can help to mitigate their risk of financial loss... Investigations of this nature can take many different paths, depending on the circumstances and the needs/requirements of our client.  

What can't private investigators do?

Phone hacking

"Can you hack into a phone? Can you hack into a social media account?" - Answer: No; absolutely not. We do not offer any form of hacking services as this would be against the law. 

In some cases we are able to utilise publicly available data in order to collect information on any certain individual... For example, in some cases we can use facial recognition checks to discover instances of a subject's face on the internet - we have previously found adult videos featuring subjects, as well as dating profiles and similar material. As these checks involve the acquisition of data which is already available in the public domain, it is effectively considered 'fair game' for a private investigator. 'Hacking' into private data on the other hand is not allowed under any circumstances.

Unethical surveillance practices

"Can you break into a hotel room and install a hidden camera so that you can record my partner cheating?" - Answer: No; absolutely not. Unauthorised surveillance of this nature is not allowed.

Requests for intrusive surveillance of this nature are all too common... Surveillance services which take place outside of a Hollywood movie set is always confined by rules, as well as numerous subjective elements which are often outside the control of surveillance agents. While it may be possible to gather evidence that your partner is cheating on you, the use of hidden cameras in this way is simply unacceptable.

Learn more about us

Please visit the Bangkok Investigators homepage for more information about us and the services that we offer.


Scammed by my Thai girlfriend (shocking HORROR story)

February 22, 2023 - Reading time: 11 minutes

Ian, please post this story in your blog. I want other people to read about what happened so that they can learn from it and maybe it won't happen to them.

For the purpose of this story I will refer to the lady as 'Pim', but this is not her real name.

I originally found Pim on a dating site. I found her to be very attractive and we started talking. She told me that she was living on her parent's farm in a small town in Roi Et. She sent me lots of photos of her farm, her animals and the basic living conditions there. 

We started talking regularly through WhatsApp, we were talking all day every day for months. After 8 months of speaking to Pim I flew out to meet with her for the first time. We arranged to meet in Phuket where I had booked a resort near the beach in Patong.

Stock photo showing an Asian lady with a serious expression on her face

I had an amazing time with Pim in Thailand, we visited the temple, we went on boat trips, ate at nice restaurants, everything was great and I became even more in love with her at this point. After 2 weeks it was my time to return home but I could not stop thinking about Pim and within a week I had paid for a second flight to Thailand, I was going to return after 6 months but stay in Thailand for 4 weeks this time.

During my second visit I wanted to visit Pim's farm in the countryside but she told me that I wouldn't like it up there and that we should stay in Phuket. Pim told me that she had never visited Phuket before going there to meet me during my first trip.

6 months quickly passed and I was back again in Thailand with Pim. This time I did not want to leave her and was making plans for a long term future with her. I had some money available from an inheritance and I figured out that if I sold all my assets back home in the States that I would be able to buy a business in Thailand and make a life out there.

A person holding 100 dollar bills

During my second visit I took Pim to our favourite restaurant and proposed to her, which she accepted. Now things were really getting serious.

Knowing my plans, Pim told me that she had found a really good deal on a house for sale. The house itself was a bit of a wreck and needed some investment. The pool was leaking water, it needed various repairs and a coat of paint. The house was being advertised for 3.8 million baht, but Pim was able to negotiate it down to 3.5 million. I thought it was a good deal, especially compared to house prices in the states.

At the time of writing this article 3.5 million baht is approximately 100,000 US dollars. It is not a massive amount of money, but it is still a lot by most peoples’ standards. I wanted to view more properties but Pim persuaded me into this specific one, using many different reasoned arguments.

So I bought the house, and setup a Thai company which would be used to own it. Although I felt like I could trust Pim, I did not want to put the house in her name, and after reading horror stories online we setup a company of which I was able to own 49%.

After the vacation I went back home to liquidate my assets and Pim was tasked with making sure the house was renovated to a high standard. I sent her money on a regular basis, I sent her 14,000 dollars to fix the roof and repair the pool. I sent 6,000 more to repair the fence and driveway gate. There were many expenses involved with repairing the property. 

Things came to a head when Pim gave me a rough list of expenses and told me that she needed around 16,000 dollars to finish the house. This would include painting the walls and buying basic furniture and appliances. 

Lady holding dollar bills

I sent over the money and then things went silent. I got no response from her on WhatsApp or Facebook, I called her and the calls would not connect. I became very worried that something might have happened to her, I thought maybe she was involved in an accident. I sent a friend over to the house to speak to her but when he arrived the house was empty.

I could not think straight and was constantly worried about the situation. I ended up taking time off work to fly back and find out what was happening. I got back to my house to find it was not as completed as I thought it was. Work has been done on the house but it was still a building site and nowhere near finished. There was no sign of Pim anywhere.

I started asking around. I visited the bars that I always drank at with Pim. I got speaking to the manager of a bar in Patong where we always would drink. The manager told me that Pim used to work at another bar on the strip, apparently Pim had been working in the bar for at least 2-3 years - this was all new to me. I thought that Pim had worked at a clothing store before meeting me, she never mentioned bar work.

Although the manager gave me some information on her past, no-one I spoke to knew where Pim was. It was like she had just vanished.

I spent more time in Patong alone and depressed, I started drinking heavily. I looked through the paperwork that I had brought relating to the purchase of my house. A business card fell out for the real estate agent that sold the house. On a whim I visited their office to see if they could help me find Pim.

Although the realtor only spoke with Pim while I was buying the house, she remembered it and described it as 'the blue corner house for 1.6 million'. I showed her photos of the house on my phone and she repeated, 'yes, I remember. That blue corner house we sold for 1.6 million'.

You will probably read this story and think that it is ridiculous and that it could never happen to you. I wouldn't class myself as an idiot either, but it quickly transpired that Pim had sold me a house which cost 1.6 million for 3.5 million and simply put the difference in her own pocket.

Documents with the word scam written on them

The process of buying a house involved what seemed like thousands of pieces of paper, and Pim had dealt with most of it. She had somehow inflated the price that I paid. She then took even more funds which were supposed to be used to renovate the house. I was expecting the house to be almost finished, but when I arrived it was still in a total state of disrepair. Plus, Pim owned a large percentage of the holding company which owned the house.

The truth was starting to dawn on me and I broke down in the real estate office. While going through my paperwork with them, they pointed out that I had a copy of Pim's ID card, which featured an address for a small town in Roi Et. 

I needed answers at this point and took a flight from Phuket to Bangkok. In Bangkok I rented a car and drove myself to her village. The drive took me 7 hours. She was living in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by rice fields. Finding her village was very difficult and it took hours to locate her.

I showed local people in the village photos of Pim on my phone and they told me with broken English that Pim lives in 'that house' with a farang.They pointed to a very large 4-5 bedroom house that was painted white. I should point out that ''farang'' means a foreign man, usually a white guy. They were reluctant to give me any information and I could tell that they were gossiping amongst themselves as the 'translator' tried to communicate in broken English.

The house that she supposedly lived at was protected by a gate/fence all around it. I could see most of the driveway from the roadside as the house sat on top of a hill. I decided to just see what was happening and sat outside the house in my rented car.

Rural road in Thailand

After 40 minutes of sitting outside this house in the middle of nowhere, my heart sank as I saw Pim walking outside the house and onto the driveway. It was definitely her, I recognized her hair, clothes, everything. Shortly after she left I saw a white man follow her out of the door and two young children. They walked around the garden together watering plants.

At this moment the gravity of the situation hit me like a brick in the face. I just couldn’t believe that I had been conned in this way. All along she had been living with a different man and raising his kids.

This is probably very anticlimactic, but I decided not to confront them and just drove away. I am not a confrontational guy and did not want to create a big situation in front of her kids. I don't know whether the other guy knew that I had been conned but by this stage I didn't care either. Maybe I am not the only boyfriend, maybe her husband just sits back while Pim earns money by conning guys out of cash. I don't know and will probably never know the truth. 

After this I sought legal advice and the long and short of it is that it's going to be a very long road to try to recover my money and get out of the situation that I'm in. My lawyer said that it will take years and might not go anywhere, of course I will still need to pay the legal bills whatever happens with my case. 

I will admit that I was a fool, and while all Thai women are not bad I will certainly be more cautious in the future. When my relationship becomes more serious I will definitely have you run a background check on my girlfriend before money enters the equation. 

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Can a Thai bar girl make a good wife?

February 6, 2023 - Reading time: 10 minutes

Reading online you are bound to find countless stories involving foreign men forming romantic relationships with Thai bar girls... Usually, the advice is to 'steer clear', and not without good reason. Entering a relationship with any person that works at a red light area in any country in the world is probably not considered to be a wise endeavour by most people.

However many foreign men do become involved with Thai bar girls and go on to get married and live happy lives together, so what makes the difference between long, happy relationship and a disastrous, short one? The truth is there are many unique variables at play in each relationship; this article will touch on some of the more common circumstances witnessed by us.

What is a Thai bar girl?

First of all, it's important to understand the job description of 'bar girls' in south east Asia... Bar girls are ladies that are responsible for entertaining clients, both inside and outside the bars in which they work.

Woman in a tank top drinking alcohol from a bottle

Bar girls earn a commission each time someone buys a drink from them. If a customer decides to take the lady from the bar then he will also need to pay what is known as a 'bar fine' in exchange for the bar losing a member of staff; the lady herself will typically receive commission from the bar fine, as well as money paid from the customer for her time.

Bar girls can be found in most red light areas of Thailand, in beer bars, go-go bars, gentlemen's clubs, discos, nightclubs, karaoke bars, and more.

Allowing your Thai girlfriend to work in a bar

One arrangement that some guys might choose early on in their relationship is to allow the lady to continue working in the bar and to simply accept the fact that she will continue sleeping with clients in exchange for money. If the man is not ready to 'take care' of the lady financially by sending money, then this is a popular choice, and it can take many different forms.

The first is a 'don't ask, don't tell' approach, where the lady will continue to service clients on a regular basis and not tell her 'boyfriend' what is going on - he would prefer to not know the details, while accepting that she is still on the game. In other cases the lady will inform her boyfriend each time she sees a new client, and let him know what is going on in her life.

Women drinking alcohol in a bar

By far the most common approach however is for the lady to tell her boyfriend that "I will keep working in the bar but I will never go with customers, I can make money from drinks and tips but I will never go with customers"... The reality in this case is usually different, and when we are asked to check during a bar girl investigation then in the majority of cases we will find the lady is still 'on the game', despite what she tells her boyfriend - she is still available for the right price. This is only to be expected as after all - it's in the job description for a bar girl, and most ladies are keen to earn as much money as they can for themselves and their families.

However, a surprising amount of guys will still believe the lie that their girlfriend is not leaving the bar with customers. In our opinion the lady will still be doing her full job as a bar girl in 8 out of 10 cases.

If a bar girl claims that she does not leave the bar with customers, then a popular technique is to tell her boyfriend "I will call you at the same time every night as proof that I'm in my own room". This can often provide a false sense of security, as the lady is still free for 'short time' arrangements where she can return back to her room in time. 

In other cases the lady will simply tell her customer that she needs to grab some clothes from her room before returning to his hotel room. While back at her own room the lady can make a quick phone call to her boyfriend, she might say that she is 'feeling tired and can't speak for long' - after the call her phone is turned to silent and she will return back to her customer. We have seen this happen on numerous occasions. 

Bar girls often claim to be "working as the cashier in the bar" or "working as the manager", having "only started working in the bar last week/month".

Other times the lady will call her boyfriend in front of her customer. Some guys that are paying for a lady's services even find this funny, and there are videos posted online which show this happening.

The bottom line is that if your girlfriend is currently working at a bar in Thailand, then you can never know for sure whether she will be prepared to leave with a customer. If she is attractive, then she is likely to regularly receive offers from customers in the bar. And remember, each customer is not only an opportunity for the lady to make a quick buck, it is also an opportunity for her to potentially forge a romantic relationship, which leads us to the following section...

Do Thai bar girls have more than one boyfriend at the same time? 

In online forums and social media groups, a common topic is the theme of a bar girl having multiple different boyfriends at the same time. This is often referred to as 'the bar girl scam'.

Bar girls are able to meet with numerous guys every day or week; and if the lady is young/attractive, then many of the guys she speaks to on a daily basis may be interested in her - whether that is a short time 'pay for play' arrangement or a serious romantic relationship.

Private investigator taking photos with a DSLR camera

The emergence of internet dating websites and apps can allow attractive bar girls to chat with men from all countries around the world. Of course, it is rare that a bar girl will actually admit her job title to men that she meets online. We have seen cases where ladies might visit their friends in a coffee shop or café where they can take half a dozen photos wearing their friend's uniform - the vast majority of men that find her on a dating site will never have any reason to doubt her claim to work a normal job, especially when her claim is backed up by photos.

With bar girls regularly meeting with different guys, there is a potential for them to form 'long term relationships' with more than one man. Some boyfriends might choose to send money to her on a regular basis, some might just send her gifts occasionally - some will send nothing and only spend money on the lady when they are in Thailand themselves. Whichever way you look at it, romance scams can be profitable, especially if the lady is attractive and desirable.

Taking your Thai girlfriend out of the bar

Taking a bar girl out of the bar can be a 'catch-22' type situation... If you are not willing to spend any money, then the lady will continue to work in the bar and continue to leave with customers (even if she tells you that she doesn't)... Eventually she might meet a guy that does want a serious relationship and that is willing to spend money to prevent her from working in a bar. This is the 'endgame' for some bar girls.

On the other hand, if you decide to send money to your girlfriend so that she can stop working in the bar, then you risk being scammed. 

Most guys believe that 'I've heard the horror stories but this girl is really different, she is not like the others', but the reality is that most bar girls are in very similar circumstances. Some bar girls might take the money and stop working in the bar, but many others will simply continue working in the bar or switch to more discreet methods such as freelancing or using dating apps. Will the lady be truly content with the support from one man, or will she seek to earn even more? Some choose a career from the latter.

Until you commit yourself to paying the lady a monthly allowance or purchasing some type of business for her, you won't find out whether she is genuine or just out for a quick buck. It may take many months or years for her true character to surface. In some long term scam cases it can take literally years the truth to come out.

We believe that if you are involving money into your relationship, then it can often make sense to perform due diligence in order to make sure that you are not being taken advantage of.

Check your Thai girlfriend

As a leading detective agency based in Thailand, we can help to investigate your partner through various techniques. Please click through our website to learn more about us, or get in touch with one of our experienced team members for a free quote.

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